If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
