if you like me you must not know who I am
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
