dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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