there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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