He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize