guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize