Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
