I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
