very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I died a long time ago.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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