You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
