not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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