i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
