I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
