I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
