Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
