my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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