her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
