i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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