OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
