your thong is hanging out like whoa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
