I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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