R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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