Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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