why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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