tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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