We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
