i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
