So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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