If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we should paint friendship bongs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
