Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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