I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
