This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
