I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
