I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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