Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
