jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
