guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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