I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize