So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
