Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
