he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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