I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
