So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize