I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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