my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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