if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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