East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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