we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could fuck to npr.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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