I want to have your abortion
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
