I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize