Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
