absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have post one night stand depression
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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