Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
