Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
