i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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