im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
