butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
