my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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