Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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