She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
