Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
