Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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