Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
