My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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