3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
