I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You made out with two different species that night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
