Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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