3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
