Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
