You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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