Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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