I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
