He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
