I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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