I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In America we eat man semen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
