Kareoke will never be a sober sport
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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