saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
