I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
