woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
