Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
