xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize