hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
