They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
