The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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