Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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